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Chmmr_X
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Name: Marshall
Country: Malaysia
Birthday: 10/29/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: God, CampusCity Ministries, Asian Youth Ambassadors (AYA), Omegatrend, Music, Books, Reading, People, Lakewood Live, Altered Frequency, Serving, Talking, Computer Games, TV, Movies, Cartoons, Basketball, Sleeping. :P
Expertise: Talking, Music, Sports, Games, Analysing situations that appeal to me, crticising, bumming and quite a bit more. These are what I do best. However, all are of average quality.
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
MSN: chmmr_x@yahoo.com
ICQ:  3523002
Member Since:
10/3/2004
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| Hitting Home Calling
This week had been quite a bit of an up and down in so many ways. A huge part of me really want to say it all out but another part of me is seriously holding back the serious thoughts that are in my head. Not so much that I don't want to share them or I feel uncomfortable sharing it... in fact I feel overly comfortable saying it out and telling everybody and shouting it out. But on the other hand... it might not be really wise... then again... I don't really know what's the wise choice at the moment as far as this is concerned. This particular post will be some things in my heart that had been around in my mind for quite a while (and is definitely not going to be 'sensitive' to certain people).
For quite a while actually I have been thinking about where God really wants to be in the short and long run. There had been so many things that I would like to do, so many things which I believe that I can do, so many things that catches my attention. But where is it that He wants me to be? That had been one of my primary prayers to Him for the past few weeks or so as at the moment I'm just going through the motions and doing what needs to be done. In church I do what is needed and my dreams and goals are still there. But where does He want me to go?
Does He want me to remain in the music ministry? Does He want me to go into politics (a fleeting thought in my head)? Does He want me to get into business and be a successful business person? Does He want me to go into full time ministry? Does He want me to be a preacher? Missionary? Better yet... does He want me to do something so overly outrages that will bring His Kingdom to a whole new level and era? Something I had never thought of ever, or maybe something no one has ever thought of. What would that be?
Sophie made one very interesting statement to me this afternoon in church. What is it that drives you? What is it that really drives home into your heart? What is it that is your passion? Funny thing is that... there are just too many things. Too many things drive home to my heart. Too many things hits home. I have heart and a burden for just so many things. I have ideas and thoughts that covers and encompasses a whole multitude of areas (how feasible and practical, let alone do-ability is a different story altogether). Where should I be? I remembered that Pastor Chris Long told me before that I need an overflow in whatever ministry I'm supposed to be in. He said that I'm involved in too many things which disallows His Spirit to overflow. He gives the analogy of cups for a ministry. If I have 20 cups let's just say, God can only fill each cup to a certain extent but not overflow but if I have only 3 cups per say, when God pours, it will overflow.
I know some would say: Just choose one! Just take something! There's got to be SOMETHING that seriously drive home. Thing is... my mind is never that simple. My mind is so complex that things are never as simple as it seems. Blame it on my thought processes and my too big a heart... There just so many things that drive home to me...Too many that I just have no idea how to truly consolidate.
I have a big heart for the music ministry, to see people truly worshiping Him in Spirit and in Truth, to just truly adore Him for who He is. To see the people rise to a whole new level in their worship in song to the Lord. This is the primary ministry at the moment.
At the same time, I have a heart for what in the world is happening in the country and world, has my inclination to politics. Seeing so many injustices and nonsense happening all around me really makes me want to scream at these people, as you can very easily tell from my blogs. I want to change how things work. How people look at things. To destroy the racist nature of how Malaysian politics work. To bring Malaysia to the world stage where no matter what people say or try to do, Malaysia is actually the beacon of the world where when people come to Malaysia for ill intentions, they be saved instead of sending the nation to turmoil instead of the laughing stock that it currently is.
I have a heart for those who truly need help too. To go down to the ground and help those who just are unable to help themselves like the poor and the disaster stricken places. That's what we as Christians are to do right? We're not supposed to keep to ourselves but instead to go down to the ground and help the people. I felt really guilty when I heard from a friend that he and his church went down to Johor last year to help the flooded areas to clean up and all that. I felt so guilty for not being there or even considering to be there. I have a heart to help these people, probably not in the forefront as I know I have a huge issue of patience with the 'special needs' people department like down syndrome... these are people I seriously have no patience with... I'm really sorry.
These are just some of the things that really strike home but I also know that there is somewhere that I really need to go and keep my foot in as a permanent ministry. Somewhere that would be where I will 100% be. Perhaps things like social concerns I can do as a part time but I still need a real true direction yes? I just need something a whole lot more specific... I have too many that move me to tears and that I have a burden for. Too many that my heart goes out for... Where?
Or should my heart go somewhere that I or anybody had never ever thought of before?
Do keep me in prayers. Do give me a call if you have some proper good advice or just drop me an E-mail or message. God bless you all!
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Elections
Victory and Sore Losers
WOW!!! What
a different Malaysia we now live in! The opposition
winning over 4 states (and keeping one) and especially denying the ruling
coalition of the ever precious 2/3 majority seats. This is definitely exciting
and opens the way for hopefully greater things to come. Only time can tell.
This post will not be so much on why they win, why they lose… but more on what
happened AFTER the elections. Some of my thoughts and aspirations…
But FIRST,
one cheap shot at the Barisan government. The reason why the Barisan lost so
many seats this time round is simply just this (in my personal humble opinion):
The Barisan Nasional (read UMNO, as the component parties are not allowed to
vote according to conscience and are to ‘toe the line’ and vote according to
what the party wants, even if they’re absolutely unjust) has insulted the
intelligence of the voters at large. They still think that the voters are
absolutely ignorant and are going to stand around allowing it to continue happening.
Their arrogance also somewhat disgusted people at large. Finally of course,
their constant racialising everything that has absolutely or little to do with
race. The race card had been continuously played and it had been nothing but to
the detriment of Malaysians at large (more about this below).
Now that
the government had really lost significantly, I must say that I give my
respects to two people whom I find are the most gentlemanly for losing (among
the BN) compared to many of the sore losers. These two people are none other
than Koh Tsu Koon (especially him) and a small part to our beloved prime
minister, Pak Lah. On Koh Tsu Koon, I was seriously surprised and somewhat
honoured to read about what Koh Tsu Koon both in Malaysiakini and in the
mainstream newspapers. Instead of crying, sabotage, avoiding the press, blaming
everyone else except himself etc, he instead did something I seriously didn’t
expect. He called up Lim Guan Eng (of which he failed to answer but was able to
return the miss call later) and congratulated him on his victory! I mean WOW!
That is seriously matured democracy at work as well as gentlemanly attitude.
Furthermore, he tried to ensure that the transfer of government was smooth and
was there during his swearing in to show his support. He even goes a step
further to tell the civil servants to work with the new state government. This
is something I must really give him recognition for as compared to some of his
other compatriots within UMNO who already began sabotaging using the media and
whatever else under their sleeve.
The second
of course is Pak Lah. Unlike his predecessor, he did not undertake an Operasi
Lalang 2 and he at least proved me wrong that no major riots like those of May
13 1969
took place. He instead accepted the results with a modest “We lost, we lost”
but still I believe recognition should be due. His announcement today that no
federal funding will be withheld from opposition controlled states (especially Penang). At least he’s not being a sore
loser like his other UMNO counterparts that called on the withholding of
federal funded funds to teach the Penangnites a lesson for rejecting the UMNO
government. I felt that it was a really good move and for once he’s showing
that he’s a PM for all Malaysians. I think that he’s finally been put into
perspective. We’ll see what happens in the next few elections yes?
As for BN
and its ilk… they seem to be playing the blame game and throwing the reasons
for losing at everyone and everything except themselves. I find it really interesting
that the normal people on the road is already angry and have lots of things to
say here and there and yet they seem to think that their lies are going to
continue working. Either they are seriously stupid or are playing a very
devious game of divide and conquer. In Malacca, it was reported that the reason
why there’s a huge swing is that they are misinformed. Oh man… Delusions of
grandeur if you ask me. Unless the BN reconfigures itself, look at reality, go
down to ground level and literally find out what is happening, THEN and only
then do you know what you are dealing with. Otherwise, there’s no way the BN
will ever see the light of day.
Then again…
old habits die hard. BN had begun playing the racial card already! Barely a
week after elections too. Already they are saying that Penang, Kedah and Selangor are side lining
Malays and side-lining Malays in their own land. OH COME ON!!! They’re there
for only a week. They must be seriously disastrous to sideline the Malays in
such a short amount time! If that’s true, then the new state governments are
indeed seriously dangerous… which is obviously NOT the case. Another case in
point would be who says that this is Malay land? I know I would be stroking
several sentiments here but who says that this is Malay land? The constitution
only says that the Malays have a special position but otherwise, it’s NOT their
land. It’s OUR land. It’s a land that belongs to ALL Malaysians. The second you
have a Malaysian citizenship (proven by possession of a MyKad), you had become
a ‘shareholder’ of Malaysia so to speak.
The BN
seems hell bent on dividing everyone on the racial and religious line. Come on…
IT’S OVER! So what if that racist bigot Khairy won? He’s a bigot and it seems
that just as his party, he’s not going to change his ways any time soon. Lim
Guan Eng only said that tenders will be open this time round, everything would
be distributed equally and the poor will get the government’s help. Everything
will be transparent. How can this seriously equate to discrimination against
the Malays? This statement by BN means several things. First, it means that the
Malays are so very incompetent that the moment help is no longer given, they
will die immediately (so much for a superior race). Second, it’s somehow saying
that Malays can never compete with the other races. I’m not a Malay and I found
that quite an insult! Lastly, it’s also saying that the Malays will be
considered dirty as it’s implied somehow that the Malays are dirty corrupt
people as transparency will reveal all of these. How many of us know that these
are all not true? Come on! The Malays are a lot better than that.
Racial
politics and the NEP in Malaysia MUST end. Let us all give the newly formed
state governments a chance. Cracks are bound to happen but give them a chance.
They’ve only been around for a week. Let’s give them 5 years and see what
happens. They are not going to get something right in one week when the BN
could not get it right in 50 years yes?
God bless Malaysia.
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| Elections Fever
IT'S ELECTIONS FEVER EVERYONE!!!
This is the time we, the Malaysia public will vote to see if the
government of the day is truly, as they say, 'guardians of the peace'
or 'the only ones that can bring development to the country'. I really
don't have that much to say of which I have not said already but this
post will be just be some of my thoughts and hopes for this election
and possibilities that could take place in the event something happens.
1) Khairy
This is just one person I seriously dislike (I wanted to use a much
stronger word but it might rouse up some 'sensitivities' among people).
Here is one person, who had been known to be inconsistent with what he
says and what many calls a 'fly by night politician'. A politician whom
many accuses of being as powerful as he is merely because of his
special position as the Prime Minister's son-in-law. Some even go as
far as saying that Khairy is actually more powerful then our beloved
Prime Minister.
All in all... I remember this guy as a very staunch Ketuanan Melayu
fighter who don't truly care for the welfare of the Malays but just to
ensure that the Never Ending Policy stays in place to enrich himself
and the Malay elites. By playing up the sentiments of the Malay
community, he benefits only himself and cronies like him at the
detriment of everyone else. Malays in the end are the ultimate losers.
Who could also forget that Khairy is the one that makes too many racist
remarks too many just to win cheap votes among the Malays as the
saviour of the Malays? Who could also forget that Khairy is among those
that threaten May 13 to happen in the event the BN loses out a lot. Who
could also forget that he fully supports that the Chinese in particular
would pay in blood for questioning the Malay special privileges...
Here is a man I seriously dislike and I hope that all Malaysians vote
this bigot out of the picture and put him in his place as we don't want
him around. Malaysia wants peace and happiness among the religions and
races, not a bigot who is intent on ensuring the Malays hate everyone
else and telling them that the reason why they're in their predicament
is the fault of the Chinese (and now the Indians are also included in
the equation thanks to Hindraf).
Please Khairy... we don't want you around...
2) Samy Vellu
Simply put... he's in power for way too long. Even now as reported in
Malaysiakini he is blaming everyone else including (especially) the
opposition parties for apparently trumping up Indian sentiments and
getting everyone to hate him. He even goes as far as to say that the
Indian-MIC relationship should be one of husband and wife... Where the
husband cannot question that the wife is not doing her job as a wife
(when we say job here, we meant that of a housewife... forgive me for
any gender bias whatsoever that may come out of such a statement). In
other words, no one should be allowed to question the MIC. This is
where we cry out that there is no transperency whatsoever as the MIC
can do whatever they want and no one is allowed to question it.
In today's Malaysiakini report, he further said that MIC can play the
game of thugs as well, accusing the opposition of using thugs to attack
and threaten him. How true that thing about thugs being used by the
opposition is highly questionable (although I seriously doubt it) but a
more serious implication here is that he threaten that he can do the
same, giving rise (at least to me) to his links to gangsters which is a
very well known secret (a very badly kept secret). Further, it was also
reported that whenever Maika Holdings hold an AGM (Maika Holdings is
the investment GLC under MIC), gangsters are hired to guard the doorway
and warn everyone to never question the usage of funds and what not or
else. So the horrible return on investment from Maika Holdings to the
Indian community cannot be questioned either...
3) Subang Jaya State Seat and Kelana Jaya Parliamentary Seat and MCA
The seats in this area is contested by a Ms. Yeoh (DAP) and Mrs. Ong
(MCA) for Subang State (I think... something like that) whereas the
parliamentary seat is contested by Dtk Lee Hwa Beng (MCA) and Mr. Loo
(PKR)... I think... the person who video taped the Lingam controversial
video. Can't remember his name. I really don't know anything about the
state seat people but I do know about Lee Hwa Beng. Frankly speaking,
he's an okay guy. I found out that some time last year (middle I
think), he gave a RM1,000 grant to all the CFs in Subang Jaya area and
the CFs are REALLY happy for that. I mean who wouldn't? I'm also
grateful for him that last year when my church was trying to apply for
a building permit, unlike other politicians, he kept a very neutral
stance and tried to work things out for both the complaining parties
and the church. In the end, we got the permit which was a very great
thing for us.
All in all, I wouldn't mind voting in Lee Hwa Beng, BUT
(there's always a but isn't there...) he's MCA. I don't mind voting in
the person but I really REALLY mind voting in the party. The party thus
far has failed at almost every turn to reprimand, vote and talk out
against injustices being done especially when they're being done by
UMNO or other BN people. Better still, when UMNO people are sending out
very racist speeches and what not attacking the Chinese and Indians for
whatever stupid reasons, the MCA and MIC had done nothing to stop it.
They remained absolutely silent which is as good as acceptance. Why are
you being silent? Why is the MCA & MIC allowing UMNO to push you
around?
Dtk Lee Hwa Beng... if you're reading this, I do not mind voting you in
as a person. But as part of MCA, can I trust you to stand up for
justice and vote against injustices and to bring people to the book by
voting appropriately in parliament, even though (and especially) the
people implicated are from BN and/or the motion is moved by the
opposition? Would you move according to your conscience instead of what
UMNO tells you to vote? If you're to cower according to the party whip,
I'm sorry, you'll never have my vote, no matter how much I like you. As
I said... I've nothing against you. Just everything against the party
you're in. If you stand as an independent... I would gladly vote you in.
But I remembered the last person that voted according to his conscience
in MCA... your predecessor... YB Loh Seng Kok... and he spoke out
against the injustices and the way the history books are portraying
history... and you know what happened. He's no longer running.
4) Major Victory or Loss
As our rulers had not failed to remind us, I believe that in the event
the opposition wins big this time round, UMNO would orchestrate another
May 13. It's already a controversy and widely known throughout the
world that May 13 was not just something that just happened. It was
planned and incited, not by opposition parties as officially reported.
Many believe it to be by UMNO themselves...
Otherwise why would they keep threatening May 13? They keep saying,
vote wisely, otherwise May 13 will happen again. It's not so much as a
warning. It's a THREAT! That's how I'm seeing it. They do not want to
be unearthed. The last time when BN lost a 2/3 majority, May 13
happened. It was too much a coincidence don't you think? And now they
keep on talking about the fact that they MUST retain the 2/3 majority
if this country is to survive. Somehow... I'm reading it as a threat in
some way or another. Nevermind whether they would get 2/3 majority
through phantom voters and what not... I believe May 13 will happen,
orchestrated by UMNO (wouldn't be surprised if led behind the scenes by
none other then Khairy and his likes) and the main force being UMNO
Youth, whom have demonstrated in the past without fail that they are
capable of doing whatever they like and get away with it, including
forming a mob.
I did say before in a previous post: Malaysia WILL enter into a civil
war eventually... question is, will it be now when everything is
allowed to come out and the damage would be minimal, or would be much
later, when everything just cannot be contained anymore and it just
explodes? When that happens... the results will be way more disastrous
then dealing with it now...
5) Conclusion
In the end... in my professional opinion, the ruling coalition had for
too long been in power. They can do anything and everything to their
whims and fancies. The constitution is slowly but surely being
Islamised by UMNO and the MCA and MIC are going in cahoots with them...
either out of ignorance, fear or greed, I don't know. What I do know,
the citizens of all races and religions will in the end suffer. If
Malaysia finally becomes a full fledged Islamic country by definition
of the religious teachers, we're all doomed. The Syariah will rule and
the Ulamas will be the rule of law. No one (and I mean NO ONE) will be
allowed to question the laws passed (like Botox being deemed haram with
no explanation whatsoever... bull-sha...). No one, especially the
non-Muslims can even ask for educational purposes as we have no right
to question anything Islamic. Any Muslims who question are branded
kafir. The rest of us non-Muslims will be branded Dhimni.
All of us must rise up to the occasion and vote for a change and deny
the ruling coalition a 2/3 majority. If they continue to have that...
they can continue to do everything, including the abolishment of the
constitution, at their mercy.
Vote wisely. Vote for a change Deny BN the 2/3 majority.
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| A Recovery Perhaps?
Listening to: How Could I Live - Paradise Live
It's
been 2 weeks since my last post... and this post I can safely say is at
least 1 1/2 weeks late. To cut the long story short, basically I'm
feeling a lot better now. Despite several people instead of supporting
me, carrying me or coming to my aid, some just pulled me down even
further and hurled some very spiteful things that really broke my
already broken heart further. Worse of, some of these people are whom I
hoped would understand or would try to understand. Obviously I was
rather wrong about this...
What I really needed in the end...
or wanted... or both I guess is a real friend on Earth. A friend who is
willing to actually dwell into my highly complicated and screwed up
mind to really have a true hint of what is happening. Someone who would
take a real interest instead of just hurling accusations and made up
advice without even attempting to truly understand. To some, I thank
for making some form of attempt.
In the end my thanks go to
LCL who actually took that real step to be there for me. She in fact
came over to my house uninvited at 10.45pm (only about 10 minutes after
I reached home) and actually took the effort to really understand what
is going on in my mind and in my heart. That way at least, her advice
and words are straight towards the issues plaguing my mind, instead of
several who had full access to me throwing advice who missed the issues
by a continent, whether directly or indirectly. LCL actually tried to
make me laugh over the whole thing and it actually did work for a
while... but in the end what I really wanted and/or needed as mentioned
earlier is a friend who cared enough to care...
People had been
talking a lot about me in those 2 weeks but then again... I guess it
should not surprise me too much as my actions and the things I have to
do are always so high profile, no matter how much I don't want it to
be. Too often blown out of proportion by some for no good reason. But I
guess what astounds me is that no one really took that step to find out
what's happening but instead chose to whisper certain things about me.
What those things are, I guess I'll never really know until someone
decides to shoot me again without knowing the story.
Another
thanks to BHPCY who actually sent an E-mail to me after the visit by
LCL... a little late but highly appreciated nonetheless. One thing I
guess is that I had not truly taken much effort to get to know him
primarily for the reason he is rarely around and when he is... he
disappears too fast. In the past I had not too much a 'good' history
with how he is (my thoughts on this is really no secret...) but after a
conversation with my youth advisor and my own observations, I thought I
should really give him a chance. I did but not really enough... But in
that E-mail, I knew more about him then I did in the past 3 or so
years. Anyhow, thanks so much BHPCY. Appreciate the effort. Hopefully
we would actually get to know each other a lot better in the days to
come.
All in all... I'm more or less okay now. In the end God
works in really mysterious ways and sends forth His people when we are
in serious need of Him yes? I'm just thankful that throughout this
ordeal, I can at least still turn to Him and cry my eyeballs out before
Him, just like Job in some way or another. I'm at least thankful that I
was still able to acknowledge Him as my God and Saviour instead of
pushing Him aside completely and backslide and all that. God does work
in mysterious ways... found out that I actually got a huge pay rise
(promotion plus a pay rise)! I was so surprised that now I have to
restructure what I'm giving to God every Sunday! HAHAHA! The more
you're blessed, the more you give yes?
Let's not forget...
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
At least I am able enough to be happy this time round.
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Tides of Failure Accumulating Each Day... +
unknown
It has been 2 weeks since my last post. As
each day passes by, everything I said seem to be confirmed more and more. More
are compounding and even more evidence is just proving me how right I am. The
total failure I am and how calling myself a failure is more and more becoming
an insult to all failures everywhere. That’s just how things are and so far…
I’ve not been proven wrong and that’s just what makes things all the more
depressing.
I’ve confirmed that barely anyone, if
anyone truly reads my blog. I thought that after such a post, I would at least
get some form of comment or a real telephone conversation of something.
However, nobody had read my blog or my post unless I actually prompt them or
spell it out to them to do so. Worse still, for some which I tell them to go to
the blog, they didn’t even bother. I guess it’s not that my friends are
uncaring… just that I’m not someone they would want to care about. Friends care
for each other. I guess I’m just not a friend to the people around me… So far
only two people had truly took some form of interest, one through a very brief
phone call (after I called for an unrelated matter) and the other through MSN.
Both needed prompting. If I did not prompt, I guess my posting would never even
see the light of day from other people’s eyes…
“John. Who do you think you are? You very
important now la… everybody supposed to read your blog everyday now la. OH!
Mighty and high John!”
No… I guess I’m very unimportant. I guess
I’m just absolutely unimportant to people. I’m only important when they need or
want something from me. It’s always me to do everything but when I needed help
or support, I don’t get it. Some leader huh… just now I had to lead worship.
Almost my whole team bailed on me at the last minute before practice on
Saturday. Nobody (or at least most people) would do this to a leader they look
up to or respect right? However I get it all the time… how is it that I keep
getting it so often when others barely get it? I’ve been telling and telling…
but in the end I’m unable to earn the respect or even basic courtesy of theirs…
In the end I’m just a nobody. A failed leader and friend…
I have purposely not initiated or make any
calls whatsoever unless absolutely needed and you know what? I find myself all
alone. Alone in this world and drowned by all the rotten fruits that I have
produced as a Christian. So rotten that I feel damn ashamed that it is all I
can offer to God. A very big insult to the Maker of all things… giving nothing
is so much better as we don’t have anything. But to produce rotten fruit and
give it to Him… that is seriously bad. What can I give? That’s all I have… I’m
not pleased at all but how? If I can take all the bad and rotten fruit, mash it
up and give even a millionth of a good fruit… I would gladly do it… but I just
can’t. I’m all alone… so very alone…
The musical is in shambles… the worship
team is facing extinction… even my work, the one place that is even normal, is
beginning to show signs of failure already, despite my best efforts to do my
best at work. But… coming from someone who is doomed to produce failed works
and rotten fruits… It’s going to be only a matter of time before that too will
be destroyed. My finances are going up in smoke… all kinds of new and sudden
expenses is draining my bank dry. It seems like no part of my life is going to
be spared…
Best of all, I just realise how much my
life is really unimportant to people. One person put it very blatantly, “Keep
all your whatever it is at home and don’t bring it with you. It discourages
people.” Yes, yes, since I’m a leading position (NOTE: Leading POSITION, not
LEADER) whatever I do affects people but there is a stronger connotation here.
Indirectly, it’s saying, “I don’t care what in the world you’re going through,
you just leave it at home. I don’t care what is it that’s affecting you but
just don’t let it affect any of us. It’s your problem. Don’t make it ours.” This
person didn’t really bother to find out despite me spelling out where to find
my problems (which is this blog. And this person didn’t bother to even look at
it). But then again… so what if it’s John’s problems? It’s not anyone else’s
problems… it’s his. If it’s anyone else’s problem or if his problems cause
problems to others, THEN only we take action.
In the end… the only concern here is that
it cause others to be uncomfortable. How uncomfortable I am at all for the past
2 weeks just don’t seem to matter. The people you don’t care about or have a
heart for would not be important to you. Their problems don’t matter. So that’s
who I am. Unimportant. A failed person.
I’m thankful that I have at least one place
to go to… but the complete silence and non-answers is really… deafening.
I did make a commitment… I’ll do whatever
they like as long as they are happy and their life undisturbed… As long as they
are happy. I care for everyone and everything too much to cause people
discomfort who don’t want to even care or know about my problems. So… I’ll just
apply the term called ‘A Mask’. I’ve learned about it and I don’t think I’ve
ever put it on. But from now on… I’ll just have to put on a mask to hide all of
my failures, problems and disappointment because no one wants to care nor be
affected by them. It's my problem...
So… to let them be happy… and continue to
be happy… I’ll just have to put on this mask and pretend that I’m happy and
everything is all ok. Because in the end… I’m not worth the trouble to even be
concerned over. I’m just a big failure in all aspects.
I can only wonder… if I don’t announce to
the world… will anyone even realise? Will anyone truly care? Will someone truly
do it?
Then again… who in the world am I to even
request for such a thing? I’m just a big failure in all aspects.
One big failure…
How will the next tide be… I can only
dread…
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